June 16, 2013 by Tiffany A. Robbins
I’ve been thinking of you a lot lately. It has been almost two years since you left, and yet, my thoughts of you don’t fade. I think of you as often now as when you were on this Earth. I think that is a good thing.
However, I have noticed that the way I think of you has changed. Now, I think of all the things I wish I knew your opinion about. Lately, I’ve been thinking about my career and the direction it is going. That is something you and I never agreed upon. As one of your disappointments, I have always been troubled knowing that I let you down in that area of life, but as I look toward the future, I’m sad that when I make a choice now, I can’t find out what you think about it, even if I know you wouldn’t be pleased. I’m not sure when I started to find your disappointment in me so comforting. I think it must not have happened until after you were gone.
I’m sure that would sound horrible to anyone outside of our family, but you know what I mean. It takes a loving and honest man to be able to tell their child, whom they love, that they are making poor decisions in life. I’m appreciating that a little bit more now. Hopefully, if I ever have a child, I can tell him that.
I find that I’m missing you a lot when it comes to my marriage. Often, I wish I could call you up and put you on the phone with my husband so you can give him a bit of fatherly advice. I think I never realized until you were gone that I should have used you for that more.
I worry that this letter to you is going to come across as full of regrets, which is the opposite of the way I’ve chosen to live life. My words are poor in this letter. These are not regrets. You and I lived our relationship as best we could and I don’t regret that for either of us. We both know the other has love in our hearts. You probably know that even more now.
I love you, I miss you, and I figured it was about time that I finally sent you a father’s day card. We’ve talked about religion a lot. Probably more so now that you’re gone. I do feel the need to apologize that some of my former conflicted beliefs kept me from sending you a father’s day card. For that I am sorry.
There are some really good things happening in my life. You might even be proud of some of them. My career is going in good directions, though a little slower than you’d like for me. My creativity is blossoming though I never was a disappointment in that area. I’m building a wooden paddle board. I know you’d be proud of that. I even have a few scars to show how hard I’m working.
I love you & I’ll keep in touch. I hope you enjoy all the beautiful thoughts that ALL of your children are sending your way today.
Tiffany A. Robbins