July 12, 2011 by Tiffany A. Robbins
At dinner with a long-lost friend on Sunday, she said the phrase “You’re only allowed to inflict on me the pain that I want from you.” (badly quoted I’m sure, but you get the gist)
I fell in love with that line of thinking almost immediately. We all hold onto those relationships that we don’t understand. We find ourselves asking what we get out of the relationship, and the answer is only pain.
Well, maybe we need that pain. Maybe there is something about that damaged relationship that gives us something that we just aren’t getting anywhere else. And look how mad we get when we that person gives us a different problem or pain than we want from them. Then all of a sudden, we don’t want the relationship anymore. How dare they mess it up by abusing us in a way in which we haven’t authorized.
Then they wonder why we’re dumping all over them for something so meaningless and small. They know that compared to the way they usually treat us, the offense is nothing. All of a sudden we find out that we’re the jerks. We say how dare you inflict pain on me that I didn’t want. When we really should be saying, Why didn’t you give me the pain I want.