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Just Small by Tiffany A. Robbins
I search for a soul, I beg for a gift. But to be touched would suffice or even a small glimpse by a rare kind of special not even that big.
A hand could reach out for just a light touch, but a scratch or a brush, a flick would rush my jade heart to come up with wonderful light the kind that would break you or part of the world in a way not much common, but comfortable-like.
My flaw is divine, and I seek it with rough, intangible drive that offends but a few that matter too much and inflict on my soul the guilt that pummels and drives to the dark the light that could pulse.
Too much to ask, but not really a lot, in such quantities to make the bearded man laugh and the small children wonder at the point of asking for so little when the sun and rain ought to be plenty to satisfy the need.
Yet it’s there in my heart, yearning for something, trying to connect with a smidgen of kindred to feel just the once that ray of sun that quenches the thirst of the bodiless tongue.
Check out my new novel “Something With Cigarettes” on Amazon.
There’s been a lot of emotion and change in my life lately. I spent a week with JC Towim at a music camp playing my cello and her playing viola. It was very intense and a great learning opportunity for those of us learning to play a new instrument as an adult. I’ll tell you a secret. My brain is getting old and inflexible. I found that it was very hard to re-imagine old concepts, especially when surrounded by kids who find the same concepts a piece of cake. The instructors were amazing and extremely patient though. There was so much talent at that camp. My favorite part was composition where the lovely Maria Newman led us in constructing our own piece of music over the week. At the final concert she and Paula Hochhalter performed my Cello and Viola duet. It was so beautiful! I cried a lot that day from all the feelings that had accumulated over the exhausting and inspiring week. I still am tending to tear up a bit even after the passing of nearly two weeks.
I picked up a new hobby at ConQuest this year: Stained Glass. I’m kind of addicted to it. Right now I’m working on a piece that’ll go in my kitchen window. It’s modeled after some antique Southern Railway glasses that have been family treasures in my household since my grandfather was a Southern Railway guy. I can’t wait to see all those beautiful green pieces of glass come together.
My mind has been on my Dad a lot this summer, as is typical. Growing up I spent all the summers with him. There was always a lot of fighting with the step family, but I wouldn’t give up those times for anything. He always meant so well, and wanted to give all of us kids all the opportunities he could think of. I really miss the times spent on his boat with the hot Georgia sun beating down on me and the sound of the water lapping against the fiber glass hull. I miss the days he skipped out of an afternoon of work to take me and my sister to bbq lunch and a scary movie that would have made Mom gasp in horror if she’d known we went to see it. It felt like stolen time. We’re coming up on another anniversary of his death. There are so many things I’d like to tell him, but his grave is so far away, and I feel like just talking out loud to him is a little too much like praying. I think I need to write another blog post to him. It seems like the best way to communicate, but I still struggle with the public nature of doing that. Though I do love that it’s public. It makes my words feel more real, and I have to remind myself that there’s nothing I have to hide from the world.
I met recently with my school friend Jaylyn. She makes time seem like it stood still to wait for the times we’re together. We both experience so much life in between meetings, but when we’re together, it all suddenly catalizes and becomes more as we relive those experiences together over a few drinks.
Time is screwing with me. Today feels so rushed, like there’s not enough time, but I’m at work, and would love the time to go more quickly.
I’m just about ready to finalize my release of my novella, “Something with Cigarettes.” I promise to make as much hype about it as possible so that I can convince you to read it. It will be my first work that I consider finished, and I can’t wait to share it with all of you. I thought it would be out sooner, but there was a shipping snafu that carried on far too long. I’m really proud of the end product, and I can’t stop staring at my cover art. I agonized over it for so long, and now I couldn’t be more pleased with it. Tease, tease, tease.